I Got My Bangin’ Beach Bod From an Evil Sea Witch and So Can You! http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-got-my-bangin-beach-bod-...
"How did I get this fabulous beach body just in time for swimsuit season? I discovered a powerful fitness secret passed down from ancient European sailors. In other words, I made a bargain with a half human, half cephalopod, nightmare of the deep. That’s right, I got my bangin’ summer body from an evil sea witch and so can you!" ‎- JustDuckie

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