Random Quotes

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"Under different circumstances, circumstances would be different."

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From here: https://youtu.be/kWCTxJl2Nw0?t=387

 ‎· April
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"thai eggplant is especially bad though, it's like eating a bees nest" --a vegetarian friend, that doesn't like vegetables

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"If 2020 were a cologne, it would be colon." #Stephisms

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» posted to April and randomquotes

"Paypal knows I'm an NPC!" #Stephisms

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» posted to April, earworms, and randomquotes

"Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose."

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Just when I think it has left my head, I see another photo, another video, another news story and it comes right back. And I am not just talking about the last week or so.

 ‎· April
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Quoted from here: https://thenextweb.com/plugged/2020/05/15/ding-dong-the-butterfly-keyboards-dead-apple-analysis/

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"No, that's not chaos. That's just pissants yelling and moaning."

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From https://www.theguardian.com/food/commentisfree/2020/apr/01/shoppers-hoard-yeast-solution-soda-bread

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How To Make Bread With No Yeast In Historical America https://mokum.place/history/2525686

 ‎· Halil
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Those darn people baking stuff for fun. *ducks and runs*

 ‎· The Common Masked Jill 5
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@halil: I just posted it for the last sentence.

 ‎· April 2
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"Everybody makes stuff. It's what humans do. Some of us only make mistakes and big messes, though." #Stephisms

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"If you're gonna die, at least die trying not to." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP_XPLFEMng

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"You can keep your Star Wars and bacon. I'll just sit over here with my Star Trek and Taylor Ham." #Stephisms

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"Is that a fancy term for taking a shit at work? Be right back, I'm making "business crystals!" #Stephisms

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She misheard me, when I said "bismuth crystals".

 ‎· April 2
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"I got a random beeting at the Nutley Diner. Is this a normal thing?" #Stephisms

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My daughter grew up in diners, and never experienced any diner automatically serving beets, like they serve bread. Neither have I.

 ‎· April 1
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the diners around here (btwn Balto. and DC) are like any other restaurant - a local one is owned by an Indian family (as in from the sub-continent). In Southern PA is where the beets happen.

 ‎· Christina Pikas 1
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» posted to April and randomquotes

People in Hell are total bean counters. #Stephisms

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» posted to April, randomquotes, and stitchin

"Something to cross-stitch and hang on the wall: Eat the bread or you'll get the shits!" #Stephisms

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Daughter: "Kids that are teenagers, right now, are not fucking millennials! That would be illegal." #Stephisms

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"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms....It's a song about having borderline personality disorder and drowning your sorrows with multiple bottles of tequila."

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yes. this. i've posted before that if i start posting lyrics from that song i'm in a bad space.

 ‎· Danielle Otter
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Huh. I'd always heard it as "going to the garden for worms" as opposed to "guess I'll go eat worms". It also then goes on to describe all the different shapes & sizes of worms.

 ‎· Mr. Noodle
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@cgrymala: And then it describes the process of eating them, with them wiggling and squirming as they go down, then wiggling and squirming as they come back up again.

 ‎· April
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Here's the version I am most familiar with: https://archive.org/details/WeeSingSillySongs/02+Nobody+Likes+Me.wma

 ‎· April
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Cheetah land lobsters and flying tree crabs. The stuff alien nightmares are made from. #Stephisms

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Having another of those weird conversations with my daughter, about evolution, food, and space travel. In our species's history, someone had to be the first to eat something, not knowing for sure if it was safe to eat. People died from eating things that were unsafe, which let others know not to eat it. This knowledge was then passed down to the next generation, and the next, so that eventually, a wide variety of safe foods became a regional cuisine. If we were to find some planet that was perfect to sustain human life, with lush vegetation and animals, future humans will have an advantage over our distant ancestors when it comes to finding out if something is safe to eat. Rather than taking a bite and then waiting to see if they live or die, they can pick a fruit or vegetable, take it back to a lab and analyze it, before anyone ever takes the first bite. If we were to ever find and travel to such a planet, our biggest worries would be pathogens to which we don't have an immunity, insects, and animal life that could be more dangerous that we are used to. That's when my daughter came up with the idea of large land lobsters capable of moving as fast as a cheetah, and flying tree crabs with beetle-like wings, both hell-bent on hunting down humans as a tasty snack.

 ‎· April
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Her sound effects and pincher motions were hilarious.

 ‎· April 1
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"Dear anybody that thought I was weird. Would you like to meet my mom?" #Stephisms

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I was discussing South Dakota's sale tax rules with my daughter, and mentioned how farmers can obtain an exemption certificate, allowing them to buy animal feed and fertilizer without paying taxes on it, ensuring that consumers don't get taxed twice when they buy their food. The growers don't pay taxes, but the eaters do. And she started laughing at the mental image in her head, conjured up by the term "the eaters". She imagined a line of identical looking people, sitting at a long table, eating in unison, with rather robotic-like motions, lifting spoons to their mouths. I then took her mental image and morphed it into another one that she found to be rather creepy: An animation, containing the same line of identical looking people, only now they are faceless, extremely white, rather plastic looking, with no features other than a mouth, no hair, all dressed in gray suits with gray ties, sitting at a white table, white bowls, eating in unison, with the word CONSUME hanging over them, in big black letters, similar to the movie "They Live".She said the mental image of that reminded her of something from a Perfect Circle or Pink Floyd video. Then she stated the above quote.

 ‎· April
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In my mind, it was a bunch of these guys, with mouths:

 ‎·  businessman_figure_holding_out_custom_card_md_wm.gif ‎· April
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I just showed my daughter that image and she said, "OMG, it's The Eaters! They're real!"

 ‎· April
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"There's tiny little pretentious French people smoking in my cavities." #Stephisms

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"Dear flock of geese honking maniacally at 2 in the morning... this is why nobody likes you." #Stephisms

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"This is more delicious than running! Why would I want to go running when I could have a burrito, instead?" #Stephisms

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"He's like a paper cut, not a stab wound." #Stephisms

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"He white-peopled the chili by adding celery and carrots." #Stephisms

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Me: "Do I need to remind you that my chili has carrots in it, too?"

 ‎· April 1
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Her: "That's different, Mom. His are American carrots, not Mexican ones. And they didn't end up in the chili because they hitched a ride in a can of pickled jalapenos, imported from Mexico."

 ‎· April 1
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» posted to April and randomquotes

{Your personal space is invading my personal space! It must not overlap, hooman!} -- Princess Pukes-a-lot

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She very slowly walked into the room, all quiet and careful, then jumped over absolutely nothing, to get past me.

 ‎· April
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The only time she willingly allows our personal space to overlap is when she absolutely must access the Interdimensional portal under my desk, RIGHT NOW.

 ‎· April 3

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