Random Quotes

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» posted to April and randomquotes

"The only time machine we have in this life is the one we are born in, and it only goes forward." (Code Black, S1E3, Dr. Leanne Rorish)

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» posted to April and randomquotes

"Another popular one, Lean Websites, examines the causes of slow websites and discusses just how to inject coffee into the USB port to get them moving quickly again."

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From a page full of marketing copy, with a rather serious tone, one of our marketing guys threw in that sentence, near the end. ‎· April
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Also, I've had success in the past with treating laptops that are contaminated with Trojan or good old Spartan viruses , or viri, by covering them with a woolen goat blanket and marinating the laptops in a super moist and hot room for 32 hours. If you are a Bay Area dweller, you might also wanna try a kale or neutral chard (that's now the politically correct term for Swiss chard) juice cleanse with your device. ‎· Deveye Sormuşlar 2
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"What kind of phone does your mom have?"

"Oh, she has a Motorola Cheesesteak." #Stephisms

"What kind of phone does your mom have?"

"Oh, she has a Motorola Cheesesteak." #Stephisms

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I bought a G6, but the first time I heard this song, I thought they were saying "I'd like a cheesesteak." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4s6H4ku6ZY So, my daughter has named my new phone that. ‎· April
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"Your great-grandmother: 12 kids. Your grandmother: 6 kids. Your mother: 2 kids. You: abortion and a dog." https://mokum.place/ike/2017448#c10861667

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"Oh, what nice containers. And they come with free [insert product name], too! These will be perfect for X, Y, or Z, in the bathroom."

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Can you identify the products they originally came from?There is only 1 container there that was actually sold empty. ‎· April
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Not shown in the photo is the containers from loose leaf tea that I saved, then later found out wouldn't fit in any of the smaller cubbies. Once I have enough of those, I'll set them across the very top. ‎· April
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» posted to April and randomquotes

"I can vacuum it, now that I know how vacuums work." #Stephisms #OutOfContext

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» posted to April and randomquotes

"Hi, my name is Sean Connery. May I shit on your lap?" "Uhhhhh...I don't know!" #Stephisms

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Oh, man. It took me this many decades before I heard another Scot with that sort of accent. Until just recently, I thought it was just a weirdness about how Connery chose to speak. But then I heard an ep of BBC History Magazine with a Scottish academic with that same accent. ‎· Spidra Webster 1
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» posted to April and randomquotes

"I wish I were a naked, skinless skeleton, screaming in the woods. But some poor innocent campers would probably end up scared for life." #Stephisms

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And yes, she meant "scared" and not "scarred". ‎· April
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"I will not sleep in my soup, I will not sleep in my soup..." #Stephisms

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"Overall it was a disaster and now my apartment smells like chicken booty."

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» posted to April and randomquotes

"Stressed?Try raspberries! No, don't eat them, make therm!" #Stephisms

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PLEASE BEHOLD THE CORRECT WAY OF USING MOKUM EVERYONE. THANKS, @app103. ‎· псы в рапиде 11
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» posted to April and randomquotes

"You know it's good gravy when you are eating it cold, scraping every last bit of it out of the container, with your finger." #Stephisms

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» posted to April and randomquotes

"It's the universe's butthole, which also serves as its mouth...and its vagina...and its left nostril...and the right one. It's the Universal All Purpose Hole." #Stephisms

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She was referring to trippy visuals in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zl3Y5-Qrbk8 ‎· April
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» posted to April and randomquotes

"I wonder what normal people talk about over dinner. Probably boring stuff. Certainly not about whether or not we exist to serve our insect overlords." #Stephisms

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"So, how many slices of soup do you want?" #Stephisms #ThingsYouThoughtYouWouldNeverHear

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"Every day should begin with chocolate cake for breakfast, then going back to bed for 3 more hours. If we all did that, we'd be so much happier." #Stephisms

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"I have a bunch of little green men in my purse. Let's have some fun and turn them loose at the mall!" #Stephisms

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» posted to April and randomquotes

"Yes, life is scamming us. It's replacing all the babies with old people." #Stephisms

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"You smell like somebody tried to mop the lawn." (pine cleaner and fresh cut grass)

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"If the neighbors can't smell it, there's not enough cumin."

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isn't this a universal law or something? ‎· MoTO Babycakes 3
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Yes, it is! ‎· April
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» posted to April and randomquotes

IRC Quote of the Day #tofu

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» posted to Halil and randomquotes

The collective principle asserts that... no society can legitimately call itself civilised if a sick person is denied medical aid because of lack of means. — Aneurin Bevan, In Place of Fear, p. 100

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» posted to April and randomquotes

"Release the monkeys; burn the circus." #Stephisms

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"It's not that I don't care, it's that I just don't care." #Stephisms

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This is her new thing that she says when she does care about something, but not enough to get stressed over it. ‎· April 2
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» posted to April and randomquotes

"You just made the most potent purple paint possible!" #ThingsYouNeverThoughtYouWouldHearYourselfSay #blueberries

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You try saying that out loud, without screwing it up. Go on, I'll wait. ‎· April

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